FAITH CHALLENGE
Matthew: Jesus’ Ministry
Dealing with Conflict (Lesson B, Week 1)
Scripture: Matthew 18:15-17
Memory Verse: “You obey the law of Christ when
you offer each other a helping hand.”
Galatians 6:2
· If people offend us or hurt us, we don’t embarrass them by pointing out their faults in public.
· When we hurt each other, Jesus asks us to work very hard at making up.
· Jesus tells us always to work on helping each other do better.
· Students will learn details of one of Jesus’ teachings about responding to the hurts others cause us.
· Students will learn the difference between aggressive, passive, and assertive responses to conflict.
· Students will learn one way to handle hurtful situations.
1. Have a large sheet of chart paper laid out on a
table. As students arrive, ask them to
write on the paper what hurts their feelings, or a time they have observed a
friend’s feelings being hurt. They do
not need to write a lot of detail and do not need to include any names. Examples might be—someone calling them names
or making fun of them, a sibling taking a favorite item—clothes, CD, etc,
someone telling a lie about a friend, etc.
Tell students you will refer to these situations later in the
class.
2. The Coach leads the opening routine: snack,
fellowship, prayer wall activity, and prayer chain. Nametags are available.
3. The Coach collects the offering. For this unit, we
are asking students to bring in canned goods as their offering. If students have already studied the other
lesson in this unit that focuses on the Pentecost offering, they are familiar
with the food offering. However, if
this is the first lesson in the unit, the coach should spend a few minutes to share
the following explanation. Each
year, the Presbyterian Church collects an offering at Pentecost to help needy
youth and families. This year Faith
Challenge students are creating a paper Mache display for the narthex to
encourage the congregation to give to the Pentecost offering. The display will be life-sized paper mache
people with a “bridge” of canned food between them to show how we can help
others. It is important that every
Faith Challenge student bring at least one canned item each week so our
“bridge” will be long enough
4.
The Coach reviews the
timeline and the previous week’s workshop activity. This unit focuses on some of Jesus’ teachings and is part of the
“God Sends a Son” section. Remind students this is out of chronologic order in
relation to Jesus’ life, because the last unit was Jesus’ Death and
Resurrection which we studied during the church season of Lent.
5.
The Coach introduces
the Guide who leads the lesson.
1. Read all the situations that students wrote on the chart paper before class. Read them without comment or discussion.
2. Pass
out Bibles and ask students to turn to Matthew 18:15-17. Ask them to read the verses silently to
themselves.
3. Conduct a brief discussion to assure students understand the main points of the passage. Use questions such as: Who is talking here? Jesus What does Jesus say we should do first if someone has hurt us? Talk to them in private—not in public. How do we hope the person will respond? The Bible says the person should “listen”. In practice, this means the person should say they will do better next time. If the person does not “listen” what do we do next? Ask someone to talk to the person with us. If they still don’t “listen” what do we do? Treat them like an unbeliever or tax collector.
4. Raise the question “How did Jesus treat unbelievers and tax collectors?” Allow students to suggest ideas and accept all answers at this point. If no one brings up Zacchaeus, ask if anyone remembers who Zacchaeus was and how Jesus treated him. Jesus was a friend to Zacchaeus. Even when other people excluded and disliked Zacchaeus and called him a sinner, Jesus never gave up on him. In a similar way, this passage tells us not to give up on each other, but work very hard to resolve conflicts. This means we need to be persistent and assertive when we find ourselves in hurtful situations.
5. Tell the class that in the rest of today’s lesson, we will learn one way of resolving conflicts: using “I” messages to communicate that you’ve been hurt and what you need to make the situation better. Point out the pattern of “I” messages that you have prepared and posted on newsprint (See “Guide Preparation in Advance”):
When you ______________,
I feel ______________,
because ______________.
I need _____________________.
6. Point out the three banners labeled “Aggressive” “Passive” and “Assertive.” Ask the class if they know what each word means and how to tell the difference between aggressive, passive, and assertive behavior. Some points you may want to make can include:
·
Aggressive
behavior intends to hurt someone else, physically or emotionally. It is threatening, belittling, and
manipulative.
·
Passive behavior
is failing to express your feelings or stand up for yourself when you have been
hurt.
·
Assertive
behavior is standing up for your rights while respecting the person your are in
conflict with. Assertiveness is a
positive, constructive way of relating to other people that respects the others
needs, wants, and rights as well as your own needs, wants, and rights.
7. Demonstrate
aggressive, passive, and assertive responses to conflict by letting the
children act out the “Party” and “Cafeteria” skits. You will do each skit three times: once with an aggressive
ending, once with a passive ending, and once with an assertive ending. The assertive ending also demonstrates how
to use “I” messages to express your feelings and tell the other person what you
need. The party skit needs three
volunteers and the cafeteria skit needs two.
You can ask for a different group of volunteers for each version of the
skits. After each skit discuss again
what made the ending aggressive, passive, or assertive.
8. Choose
three (more or less is ok, too) of the situations that the children wrote down
at the beginning of the class, divide the class into three groups and have them
write a brief skit that acts out how to respond to a hurtful situation with an
“I” message. Give the children five or
ten minutes to work on their skits and then have each group present their skit
to the class.
9. Continue the discussion with the following question: “Are there any situations when Jesus’ suggestions on how to handle a conflict do not apply?” Answers will certainly vary. However, the point of asking this question is to remind students that resolving a conflict is not their sole responsibility. Sometimes, they must call for help from a parent, teacher, or other adult. Some examples of when they might need an adult to intervene include bullying or physical danger.
1. Ask students to tidy up.
2. The Coach conducts the closing prayer.
1. Check out the room before your first Sunday workshop so that you know where everything is located. The room set-up should be stools or chairs around the room. Tables may be used, but are not required.
2. Post a “visual” for the timeline.
3. Make three banners labeled “Aggressive” “Passive” and “Assertive.”
4. Write the pattern for “I” messages on a piece of flipchart paper:
When you _________________,
I feel _____________________,
because ___________________.
I need ____________________.
· Bibles, flip chart paper, markers
· “Conflict Situations,” each one on a separate piece of paper.
· Writers’ Bible study materials titled “Two Teachings of Jesus” prepared by Susan Mazzara
Chris and Alex are talking excitedly about something when one of their friends, Terry, comes up to them to wait for the bus:
Chris: It’s going to be a lot of fun! We’re going to go play laser tag and then my parents are taking us out for pizza.
Alex: I can’t wait! I love laser tag! Last time I played I made the highest score on my team! Let’s order a pepperoni and ham pizza. That’s my favorite!
Terry: This does sound like fun! What’s going on?
Chris: Oh, I’m having a birthday party at Battle Zone and then we’re going out for pizza. You’re not invited.
Terry: Who would want to hang out with a bunch of geeks like you anyway! When I have my birthday party, we’re going to rent a whole ice skating rink and hire a band. It will be a whole lot more fun than playing stupid laser tag.
Chris and Alex, are talking excitedly about something when one of their friends, Terry, comes up to them to wait for the bus:
Chris: It’s going to be a lot of fun! We’re going to go play laser tag and then my parents are taking us out for pizza.
Alex: I can’t wait! I love laser tag! Last time I played I made the highest score on my team! Let’s order a pepperoni and ham pizza. That’s my favorite!
Terry: This does sound like fun! What’s going on?
Chris: Oh, I’m having a birthday party at Battle Zone and then we’re going out for pizza. You’re not invited.
Terry: Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll go wait for the bus under the tree so you guys can talk.
Chris and Alex are talking excitedly about something when one of their friends, Terry, comes up to them to wait for the bus:
Chris: It’s going to be a lot of fun! We’re going to go play laser tag and then my parents are taking us out for pizza.
Alex: I can’t wait! I love laser tag! Last time I played I made the highest score on my team! Let’s order a pepperoni and ham pizza. That’s my favorite!
Terry: This does sound like fun! What’s going on?
Chris: Oh, I’m having a birthday party at Battle Zone and then we’re going out for pizza. You’re not invited.
Terry: Oh. Can I talk to you alone for a minute, Chris? (Chris and Terry step away from the crowd.) When you told me I wasn’t invited to your party right in front of everyone, I felt really bad and embarrassed because I was left out. I need you not to embarrass me in front of our friends.
Jesse and Lou have just finished eating lunch in the cafeteria. It is time to put away the trays and wash the table.
Jesse: I washed the table last week, so I don’t have to do it this week.
Lou: Last week you told me you didn’t have to wash the table because you did it the week before and I had to do it every day. This week it’s your turn to do it.
Jesse: I don’t care! Besides, I have to go see Ms. Smith about my math homework. I’m not staying.
Lou: (throwing the sponge
at Jesse) Jesse, you’re such a selfish jerk! I hate you!
Jesse and Lou have just finished eating lunch in the cafeteria. It is time to put away the trays and wash the table.
Jesse: I washed the table last week, so I don’t have to do it this week.
Lou: Last week you told me you didn’t have to wash the table because you did it the week before and I had to do it every day. This week it’s your turn to do it.
Jesse: I don’t care! Besides, I have to go see Ms. Smith about my math homework. I’m not staying.
Lou: (sighs loudly) OK. I’ll do it myself.
Jesse and Lou have just finished eating lunch in the cafeteria. It is time to put away the trays and wash the table.
Jesse: I washed the table last week, so I don’t have to do it this week.
Lou: Last week you told me you didn’t have to wash the table because you did it the week before and I had to do it every day. This week it’s your turn to do it.
Jesse: I don’t care! Besides, I have to go see Ms. Smith about my math homework. I’m not staying.
Lou: Jesse, when you leave the lunch room without helping clean the table, I feel really mad because I have to do it alone and I end up being late for Language Arts. I need you to help me.